The 7 Hottest Animal Crossing Villagers

 You read the title right. Let’s get down to it.


I’m sorry city folks, but I’ve got a thing for bad boys and I’m hungry for this wolf. He may give me the cold shoulder, but I can’t stop chasing his tail.


I just want to be her dearie. The Thumper to her Bambi if Thumper and Bambi were madly in love. Wait. I hope you guys don’t think me ranking the hottest villagers makes me a furry, because I’m not. Like there’s nothing wrong with being one, but I’m not.


Sometimes we only love someone as a reflection of ourselves. When I see Genji being a little weeb, I stop and ask myself, is this how people see me? And then I find him even sexier.


Oh Quillson. So proper. So commanding. You make me want to snap that little vest of yours right off. This has nothing to do with him being a duck with humanoid features, OK?! You don’t need to be a furry to be able to see someone as visually attractive. It’s not weird, you’re the one being weird.


Sometimes your lover should be your best friend. I just want to play with Ruby’s luscious long ears and lie in bed with her and tell her my dreams for the future.


The 2009 Justin Bieber of Animal Crossing villagers. Maybe he was even created as Justin Bieber’s Fursona. Not that I even know what a Fursona is, because that would be weird. What would my parents think? What would my friends think? You know what, if they don’t like it I can get new parents and friends, AND my new parents and friends can be really hot animals. I’m not ashamed of who I am anymore. I am a furry and these Animal Crossing characters are hot as hell.


Very handsome, fun mouth.

I’d ask you for your favorites, but this is the definitive list.

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Emi Schaufeld

Emi is a 22 year old filmmaker, comedy writer, and game player. She is passionate about making work that is both comedic and socially important. Her go-to Mario Odyssey outfit is Mario wearing boxers and a Diddy Kong hat. She thinks he looks cute like that.

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3 responses to “The 7 Hottest Animal Crossing Villagers”

  1. You seem to have misspelled “Cherry” 7 times.

    1. This is a good comment…

  2. Rowan Idris Carmichael Avatar
    Rowan Idris Carmichael

    This is journalism.

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